Life

When In Doubt, Keep It Going

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Just keep GOING.

Seriously, that is the message I have for you and myself.

As part of human nature, we depend and love momentum.  A constant need and love for movement and feelings of progress.  Although, what happens when we lose it, or feel as if it is gone?

I know I am guilty of  just wanting to give up.  From coming out of an argument with loved ones, or having a sudden feeling of panic, rapidly everything you worked for seems pointless.  Unreachable.  Unimaginable.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been going through ALOT of doubt.  It usually comes out after being a little scared, nervous, or upset.  Automatically, I attack the things and people I love most.  How can I get hurt by others I care for deeply (that is called ego, discussion on that sometime soon) and then on top of that, tell myself what I love isn’t worth it?  Questioning my passions and growth being worth the work, the failures, the smiles, and the growth.  Sometimes the question turns into, “Am I even moving?”

What growth has actually happened? Regardless of what you believe in the moment, what keeps you going and smiling is helping you grow everyday.  That subject, work, or dream is worth it and tangible.  That smile you have is a constant assurance.  The feedback you receive is the reflection of your work.  That lightness in your heart, only grows when we the constant growth of love.  Love of family, work , and your own being.

We always hear how to never give up or to get back up when you fall.  But, growing up.. there are times when you do need to let go.  Letting go is the conscious phrase for quit.  Because when you let go, you are letting go of what doesn’t serve you.  When you quit, you quit a habit, a job, a dream.

So when you feel doubtful, stuck, or unsure of your passions, stay in the feelings a little longer if you must, maybe cry a bit.  And then, let them go.  Because what you want will always come back to you.  Passions are inescapable.  Almost like love.  That feeling lingers forever.  And if it’s something you care for deeply, that made you work harder, smile brighter, and left you to be a better person, then maybe it is the best thing for you.  So move on, and keep it going.

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Remember Those Dreams…?

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If you came here for the answers, I’m sorry I don’t have them right now.  But, if you came for the thoughts and curiosity of another’s perspective, then you and I are both in luck.

Remember when we had those dreams for ourselves?  We were going to fall in love, travel the world, become successful in our careers, eat amazing food, and meet people of all sorts.  Yea.  Then instead of life happening, it seems that life stopped.  So much so, you are consumed in all your thoughts, memories.  Some so good, you want to go back.  Others so horrible, you wonder why they still linger in your mind, or rather just come back up.

Those horrible memories? Experiences?  Feelings?  They suck.  To be honest, they make me feel like we all suck.  Which I know is and will never be true, but for that brief moment it’s a thought.

Where did those dreams go?  Do we want to go back?  To that familiarity? The safe way? The responsible way.  I always think about the responsibility for not just myself, but others.  Now more than ever.  Because no matter what, I have this amazing family, that I do believe can benefit from my presence, and I from theirs.  I know now more than ever that being there, that real touch of a loved one is so powerful.  Those amazing friends you know can make you laugh just sitting on the couch in your sweats… These are the things that make me believe.

Then what about those you must leave behind?  People, experiences, progression.  What if I did just leave to follow “my dreams?”

As of late, I feel like I’m hiding more than ever.  I didn’t even know it.  On those nights you stay awake for hours staring at the wall.  I would never say it, but it comforts me to pretend like someone is there with me.

My mask.  My face.  I put it on as long as I’m determined I’m going to have an amazing day.  I will look like I got amazing sleep, glowing like I live for the Florida sun.  Can we talk about how I think I know how to contour? Maybe if my face looks skinny, people won’t notice those few extra pounds… Then to pull it all together with an OOTD.

If you know me, the question is how did this happen?

I was asked what inspires me.  Right now, I really don’t know.  People and possibilities used to be my answer.  Then bullshit comes right up and I just remember to close myself all over again.  Because who really gives a fuck about another girl who once dreamt about changing the world?  Who only wanted to give a chance to every deserving human being.  Well, thankfully, I still give many fucks about the inspiring lovers, dreamers I work with and talk to everyday.  The ones who do it with soul.  Not for nothing, they make me not lose hope in myself.  To also not lose hope in others.

“Walk like you have three men behind you.”

My favorite feminist line.  More than ever so.  Learning to do my face and figure out some amazing outfit that empowers.  Why the hell not? But, there is more to it.  We really don’t care about those three men.  Just you.

Words from the dreamer within begging to come out again, the hopeless romantic who hasn’t lost all hope yet, and moon child who still looks up at the dark sky and believes all over again.

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“Told you I would always give you me, the real me.”

Your Life, Your Prerogative, Your Dream.

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Nobody has the right to tell you who and what you are.  Nobody can tell what you should be doing.

This is a post dedicated to the people who just don’t fucking know.  And, I just want to tell you that it’s going to be ok.  How do I know?  I don’t.  But, I do know that everything happens for a reason, and you are right where you are meant to be.

Background.  I come from an amazing family.  From an immigrant parent to another raised in the beautiful projects of the state.  My parents worked hard and harder to create a life with just high school degrees and desire.  They started a family and were able to move us upward into the educational social chain.  My parents worked it out to be around in the miss of crazy schedules, from working nights to having 12 hour days in the beginning.  Later on, it went to working days and scaling back the work life to be home a little more.  My parents were pretty smart, the rebellious years of middle school and high school they did not want to miss from my brother and I 😉

Then. there comes a time when it’s not the morals of family and life that you want to instill in your child, but what society tells you what should go about.

Lucky and not so lucky for me, I went to a high school where people dressed nice, didn’t fight too much, were very smart, and mostly in the end went to college.  That was the protocol.  That’s what most want for our families.  But, what do you do when you notice maybe that wasn’t who you were.

I had to go to college.  Fortunately, I didn’t care to go to a prestigious school and did pretty well, so I saved a lot furthering my education.  Great, because to this day, my college education isn’t doing shit for me.  And, I am totally ok with that.  I purposefully chose that.

I went from being a girl who wanted expensive Uggs and sneakers, a skinny body, straight hair, wanting to go to school, get a job in an office to make money, and start a family, to not giving a shit about it all.

I wear my hair in a curly mess, I don’t own sneakers, but buy that good good lipstick, my body does what it wants, and to be honest, I want to make enough money for myself to eat, sleep, and travel.

For everyone who told me to get an office job and make easy money using my college degree….  There is no such thing as easy money when your heart isn’t into the work.  I’m a pretty fast pace, short legged girl.  I worked three jobs at once, and tried to keep somewhat of a social life.  I wouldn’t change how I lived my life and how I’m living my life now for anything.  I decided to give up on everyone else’s dream for myself getting a 9-5 job and living comfortably, to live my own dream.  Honestly, I don’t remember what comfortable is, and I took my life across country to figure it out.

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Every day until it works out, I don’t know.  Ask me what my schedule is in two weeks, I don’t know.  Where will I be in two months, I don’t know.  Will I be alive in 2 months? Well unless a freak accident, it’s a Fuck Yea.

I noticed this isn’t a life for everyone, but what they don’t understand is that it is our life that we are okay with for now. I did not become so adamant to be independent because of my age or because at 26 I should have it together.  I wanted to do it because I feel it now.  I feel the need to be on my own, maybe eat cereal for dinner or an elaborate sushi feast with wine.  Only because I want to.

I do believe that my parents tried their best so that their children could do even better things.  Well, I chose green juices over a savings, will live in a small studio over a house any day, and would rather buy 3 cheap H&M bags then a Michael Kohrs, because I like variety.

Slowly, but surely I will have no attachments to anyone soon enough.  I may not be living the high life, but it’s my life.  And everyday I love what I do and hopefully what I will be doing.  I’m learning to just fucking do it, with no plan, friends or not, money coming and going.  It’s funny this thing called money, has so many meanings to do different people.  So many uses.

But, it will never be the money, it’s not about your education, and it’s not about where you grew up.  It’s about you.  What do you want?  How are you okay to live?  What are you willing to sacrifice ? It maybe nothing at all.  Good for you.

If you chose the “unconventional” path, know that it may get fucking hard.  Crying, anger, and points of wanting to give up will happen.  But, I guarantee you will find something greater.  You will find what you want, what you enjoy doing, and who you enjoy being with.  You will explore places on your own terms, and more of those hidden treasures that only you can find beauty in.  That wealth is incomparable and will only grow.

This is now, not forever.  It’s your life, your prerogative, your dream, and that’s something I hope no one can take away from you.

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yesenia

“…hanging out my dirty linen
You’re entitled to your own opinion
Sit and shake your head at my decision,”

Coffee Confessions

Good Morning!!!

I hope you guys are getting ready to enjoy your weekend.  Aren’t weekends made for relaxing morning?  Well I am lucky enough to squeeze in a little time, so I thought I would write a post I’ve been thinking about for a while.

It’s been a while since we had our last coffee date, so I got a little more to share!  Which is why I’m calling it a confession.  Don’t worry, nothing too crazy will be revealed.  Life hasn’t gotten that exciting for me just yet!  But life has been happening and I thought, “Why not chit chat, with a bit of vanity?”

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1.  First I want to address my sporadic posts.  I feel they are basically all updates!!  “Oh, hey guys, this is what I ate on the weekend,” or “Oh yea, here’s what happens during the week.”  I love pictures, which is partly why I do it.  The child in me wants to come out to play a lot sometimes.  Anyways, I want to start focusing on substance.  Recipes are a given.  Maybe, throw in some nutrition ish?  Bring back DIY?  Yoga?

2.  Fall is coming upon us.  As I’ve mentioned or hinted, it has been a bit hard to accept.  Tis’ the season of chilly weather (hello, blue hands), wearing clothes, and cooking.  But, this does give me new things to write about!  Fall detox, anyone?  Pumpkin recipes!  Fats and Proteins!  Fall is Vata season, so my Ayurvedic ways are telling me to prepare myself.

3.  Can we talk about my obsession with Lana Del Rey and J.Cole at the moment?  Two totally different styles, but I love what they have in common.  Catchy and deep.  I love what they sing/rap about and I love the fact they aren’t too mainstream.  Actually, they are… but not to the point that it’s annoying, like Beyonce (sorry bro), and Rihanna status.  Is it bad I get annoyed once artist become, like, popular?  I just like to pretend I know what’s really good.  Hah.

4.  I have been a Pinterest addict once again.  If I see it.  If I like it.  I will pin it.  It is my new bookmark page.  More towards recipes though.  Anybody pin?  I mostly do recipes, pretty food, things I wish I could make, and umm, quotes!

5.  I have sleeping problem.  Not really, I’ve just been a little conflicted.  A lot to do and a lot on my mind.  I haven’t had a day off in 10 days and I will still be going strong.  Hopefully things will slow down soon.  More so, with my mind.  I’ve been trying so hard to keep up with my yoga practice more than ever.  My reasoning has shifted from a way to move and stay active, to a chance to think about something else/nothing and refocus.  Focus on no matter what in the present moment there is no problem.  That someone out there needs your energy more than you (dedication), and your intention can be the most important thing to help you through the difficult moments.  Oh yea, and breeeeeathe!

6.  If I could, and technically I can, I would have coffee and waffles every morning.  And maybe a green juice on Mondays.

Till next time, my loves,

 

yesenia

PS.  Can I make this my life’s theme song?  In love with every word

 

Weekend Lessons

Good morning beautiful people!

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How was your weekend?  I hope it was absolutely amazing, even at least one hour of it.  Mine was good.  Did a little bit of everything, work, family, friends, food, and movies.   Not too shabby, eh? Well, through it all, I learned a little something, or rather many things.

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1.  Food (and drinks):  I have become a very sensitive being.  Not only emotionally, but physically.  Food that was once so easy for me to digest, and drinks that I never want to give up, have been affecting me more and more.  Why?  Because my food habits are so different. My body knows what’s good for it and it’s up to me to listen.  As I’ve been reading a lot about Ayurveda and food for my dosha, it has all come together.  For me spicy, very salty food, and alcohol aggravate Vata, with my slight Pitta.  For me, it’s def seen all over my face.  I now am trying to lay off…

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  • Spicy food.  Mild is fine, but whenever I get that heat, it goes straight to my head. Goes for Indian or Mexican spice.  I must add something cooling, such as avocado, or yogurt to calm the heat.
  • Eating out.  Some restaurants are very generous with salt.  Italian for example.  All the salt and sugar to make that delicious pasta sauce, is definitely too  much for me to handle.
  • Wine.  Alcohol  in generally alright for me, but wine is a very heating beverage.  One glass at a time.  Two is asking for trouble.

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2.  Family time.  Nobody knows me better than my padres.  During this stressful couple of weeks, I can’t think of no better people to talk to and catch up with.  It’s necessary   Even a day with the grandparents is therapeutic   It’s nice to talk and listen to their advice.  And their advice now, slow the f*** down.  I’ve been trying to do it all, and it’s seriously a struggle.  I’m gonna have to learn balance and figure out what is really important for me to do.  My question is:  What do I let go?

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3.  Friends.  No matter, I usually always have a great time.  My intention for lent has been to work on my introversion tendencies.  I have learned so far that my characteristics and personality isn’t bad, but just not ideal in the American culture.  Yet, while being so busy, one of the things I did sacrifice was my friends.  It’s sad, because I miss them.  Yesterday, I hung out with old and new friends, and let me say, I laughed till I cried and gave my abs a mini workout.  Did you know laughing is a form of exercise?  It’s in my book 🙂

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4.  Work.  I’ve been busting my ass at work.  For a while I was slacking, unmotivated, and frankly too tired to care.  I don’t know what made me change (I think it was the fact I was less exhausted from yoga and early wake-up calls), but I’m glad I did.  I feel better when I give my best.  Almost as if I did a good deed for myself, coworkers, and managers.  When you work hard, it shows, and people always appreciate.  It’s your individuality affecting your team.  And, we always laugh through the madness.

5.  This weekend I watched Schindler’s List.  Absolutely amazing.  I am really not into violent movies (aka. corny action flicks or un-necessary gory films) but when it comes to history, documentaries, or real life, I love it. Give it meaning, importance, heart, and beauty.  It’s a movie that makes you think and feel.  I don’t cry during the torture or death scenes, I recognize it and respect it.  What does make me cry?  Scenes of generosity, community, and strength.  In the end, that’s what always wins my heart.  I highly recommend it.

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6.  I can’t skip breakfast.

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Till Manana,

 

yesenia

Comforting Vegan Apple Crisp

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Happy Valentines Day lovelies!

Is everyone excited?  Are you one of the lovebirds that’s going out?  Or maybe just staying in with that special someone?

Ahhh, to be young and in love?  Trust me, I know the feeling.  Long gone are the days when I was able to stay up all night, sleep in, party, dance, and meet so many people.   My grandma self gets excited about a night in bed with a cup of tea and a good book.  And love?  Umm hellooo, have you guys noticed my love of food and yoga?  It’s really just like any kind of true love, one that borders that thin line of crazy obsession.  Tell me you didn’t think about or stalk that boy you hoped would one day be your Valentine?

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For me, it’s just another day.  I think Valentine’s Day is a nice reminder to show that special someone you care and appreciate them, as like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  So why not do it in a small way.  Let the big romantic dinners, expensive jewelry  and dozens of roses, be a surprise throughout the year? You know, when it’s not going to cost you your arm and leg to pay and beat the crowds.

To be honest, I’m not really a chocolate person.  *insert wide mouth gasp*  Don’t misconstrue, when the craving hits or a need for indulgence, chocolate is as lovely as necessary.  But for me, nothing is as comforting as a warm fruity pie or crisp with some icecream melting on top.  Blondies are my next favorite indulgence.  Ugh, I just love all the different textures and flavors from the fruit and topping, to the creamy cold sweetness of the icecream.  Sadly when I made this, there was no icecream to be found.  Normally,  I would make the necessary ShopRite run, but the blizzard outside told me to get a grip and just eat the damn crisp!  Still amazing though!

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Comforting Vegan Apple Crisp

Filling

  • 4 apples sliced 1/2 in. thick
  • 2 tbs raisins
  • 2 tbs coconut sugar
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 lemon juiced

Crisp

  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1/2 whole wheat pasty flour
  • 1/2 coconut sugar
  • 1/4 cup sliced almonds
  • 1/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup brown rice syrup
  • 1/4 cup coconut oil

Preheat oven to 350.  In a 8×8 pan combine all the ingredients for the filling.  In a separate bowl combine the oats, flour, sugar, almonds, shredded coconut, and cinnamon.  Once evenly mixed, add the brown rice syrup and coconut oil.  Mash into dry ingredients with a fork until somewhat combined and clumpy.  Drop evenly on top of the filling.  Put in the oven for at least 45 minutes.  If you would like the topping a little crispier you may up to an hour, checking frequently.

Enjoy!

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ps.  I used coconut sugar and brown rice syrup for the lower glycemic index.  Great so people with diabetes or low sugar tolerance may enjoy some as well.

pss.  No need to tell your sweetie this is actually pretty healthy!  With all natural ingredients , whole grains, and good fats, you can feel good about feeding this to anyone.

pssssss.  Will you be my Valentine?  I can feed you this crisp or these chocolaty delicious cupcakes hehehe

With love <333

 

yesenia

 

 

Truth

I got cravings.  Like every other mamacita (and chico!) out there, I can crave anything from sugar and caffeine to kale salads and some hummus.  I believe in following your  cravings.  Not necessarily giving in to them, but understanding them.  You want some sugar – try eating more fruit.  Craving a juicy burger?  Try eating more healthy fats and proteins like avocados and almonds.  Catching my drift?

Yet, sometimes going right to the source solves that salivating thought.

It’s simple really, and we all have heard it.  We shouldn’t deprive ourselves.  We shouldn’t eat what we don’t like (even love).  We should enjoy every bite of  food we are blessed to have.  It almost seems simple enough, but in reality, most of us find it difficult.  Too busy to cook, too poor to buy healthy food, too stressed, lazy, … the list goes on.  In today’s world and American ways, people are busy!  Convenience has become God’s gift to the world.  We are tempted to eat foods that we ourselves know aren’t good for us.  Maybe, we just give in, and say “Hey, I’m too tired and lazy to cook, chips for dinner sounds awesome.”

My excuse?  I’ve been craving cheese for the longest, mac ‘n cheese, pasta, enchiladas… bring it on!  Why I don’t usually eat cheese, is a matter of ethical and sustainable beliefs on where my food comes from.  I want to know where, how, and in what conditions did this milk come from.  Now, I know most people say, huh?  Now a days cheese gets the rep of something that is utterly delicious, but high in fat and calories.  Especially, when melted and hot and oozing all over your plate.  Not what I’m concerned about, and sometimes it sucks.

Lately when I’ve been craving something, I make sure I know whats going on.  If it’s dessert, I make it myself, usually dairy-free.  Eggs?  Buy them and make them myself.  Meat?  Organic, pastured-raised, or local is what I look for to cook at home.  Not for nothing, that’s money, time, and effort.  I don’t live on a farm or live in an area where chickens are grazing all year long.

I thought this was something that I was getting over through the years, and maybe this was just a slip up, but I actually sat down with my own will-power and consciously ate pizza.  No restaurant messed up my order, no person was unaware of my lifestyle, and nobody made me feel bad about not eating.  I sat down and helped myself to a few slices of pizza.  With the family and a glass of wine, couldn’t have been better, right?  It’s part of the reason I had it, family time.  Well in my mind, yes.  I actually felt guilty.  Not because it was my second dinner or because it was later than my usual dinner time or because it was so fattening, but because I thought about hormones and factories.  I thought about how it wasn’t even necessary since I wasn’t that even that hungry.  I thought I could get over it after a couple of bites, even if I focused on the family time and bonding, but afterwards I felt exactly the same… deprived.

Isn’t it just more convenient just to get something from your local pizzeria, then the closest Whole Foods 20 minutes away?  Fuck yea!  Please nod your  head with me.  Put that attitude on.  Fuck yea!

The point is, when satisfying a craving, you aren’t truly satisfied if your not happy after you’ve indulged.  Guilt, sickness, or punishment, is never ok.  Sometimes, I may eat too much, may not eat enough, or have too many desserts in one day, but I stop and remind myself it’s  my body.  I care about it and want to respect it and be grateful for what I am able to have.

I hope this made some sense.  This is another one of those posts of me putting myself out there.  This is a healthy living blog, and I can’t think of anything more healthy right now than me being honest.  “All this because of a few slices of pizza,” you may?  Yea, because this is my passion.  Food, people, and the environment.  I want to save the world.  Or maybe just a cow for now.  I want to make you and the bunnies eating off the land happy.  Damn, I sound corny, but tis true.  I want to show everyone they can eat the best without being greedy, and without going hungry, because out there is somebody who really could use that meal.

“Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.” ~ Michael Pollan

 

“and satisfy your chocolate cheesy oatmeal cravings!!!”

~ yesenia