Month: March 2016

Fear of an Open Wound


So many of us have some kind of fear.  Heights, closed spaces, needles, clowns.  It’s something that no matter how many times someone can convince us otherwise, sometimes even prove, we can never get over it.  That feeling of your heart pounding, just even at the thought, will have you thinking again about facing those fears.

When I was a little girl, I remember riding my bike down the sidewalk right in front of our house.  Like many kids, I fell off my bike and didn’t land as gracefully as anyone hoped.  On my left arm, my elbow slashed the concrete, right away giving the sight of raw white skin and blood.  Hysterical and scared, I had help getting cleaned up, moving on from one of many traumatizing moments as a kid.  Well, 20 years later, I write this with a pretty big scar, skin protruding irregular, on my left elbow.

I did get back on my bike, several in fact.  Always cautious never to fall and always stayed within my own quiet neighborhood.  Slowly, but surely, my urge to get back on slowly drifted away.  It could have been the fact that I grew out of it, I moved to a more urban area, hell, I had my own car!  What I can definitely say now, is I don’t really have the urge to ride a bike again.  Walking, running, or driving, I have what I need to get the exercise and transportation that I would ever want.

This is where my fear of an open wound comes in.  This is not about how a little girl fell off her bike, but how a young woman had her heart broken.


My ladies, my gentlemen, have you ever felt that?  That searing pain in your heart, that then runs through your whole body?  You spend nights crying yourself asleep, or in solitude, just thinking about everything that you shouldn’t be thinking about.  Whether from a lover, a boyfriend, girlfriend, family member, or friend.  You gave your all to someone, your heart, and they let it fall to bruise, or even worse, to break.  Leaving you with an open wound.  Do you know that feeling?  It fucking sucks.

How do you get over it?  Do you just let yourself feel for a bit? Wallow in that pain and pity?  I say you do.  I say it’s very necessary to feel that pain, and really get to know it’s capabilities over you.  Because, only till you understand what it can do to you, then you can overcome it.  Too many times you hear that people change, or that it’s already been a good amount of time for you to move on.  But I say, let yourself be the judge of that.  Busy up that time with only experiences and thoughts that make you feel wonderful.  They say those open wounds are great, for they allow new experiences to come through.  I like to say that’s true.  That one day, a new understanding, a new relationship, can help heal in the best possible way.  From the inside-out.

Your guard, keep it up.  High enough, for one who is meant to do whatever it takes to break it down, or just enough so you can peak over, and maybe check out who’s on the other side.  Don’t ever expect certain actions from others, but stay true to how you want to be treated.  Stand up for your beliefs, but understand your beliefs will make or break you, and no one else.  By that I mean, your beliefs may never get through some people, but that doesn’t mean maybe one day acceptance can not be the belief you both share.

I write this for those who still feel that pain, that fear.  That person or image that comes in your head, and still has your heart pounding.  Keep it in.  Let it out.  Forgive and don’t forget.  Do whatever it is you need to do.  I promise, I won’t tell you how long you got.  One day, you’ll surprise yourself.  With acceptance, you may never ride a bike again.  With strength, you will find another way to get wherever you desire to be.

Oh, and don’t forget to hug and be forever grateful for the people who take that ride with you.  The family and friends who are there will make for necessary, unforgettable experiences to let in.


The fastest way to freedom is to feel your feelings. ~Gita Bellin


When In Doubt, Keep It Going


Just keep GOING.

Seriously, that is the message I have for you and myself.

As part of human nature, we depend and love momentum.  A constant need and love for movement and feelings of progress.  Although, what happens when we lose it, or feel as if it is gone?

I know I am guilty of  just wanting to give up.  From coming out of an argument with loved ones, or having a sudden feeling of panic, rapidly everything you worked for seems pointless.  Unreachable.  Unimaginable.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been going through ALOT of doubt.  It usually comes out after being a little scared, nervous, or upset.  Automatically, I attack the things and people I love most.  How can I get hurt by others I care for deeply (that is called ego, discussion on that sometime soon) and then on top of that, tell myself what I love isn’t worth it?  Questioning my passions and growth being worth the work, the failures, the smiles, and the growth.  Sometimes the question turns into, “Am I even moving?”

What growth has actually happened? Regardless of what you believe in the moment, what keeps you going and smiling is helping you grow everyday.  That subject, work, or dream is worth it and tangible.  That smile you have is a constant assurance.  The feedback you receive is the reflection of your work.  That lightness in your heart, only grows when we the constant growth of love.  Love of family, work , and your own being.

We always hear how to never give up or to get back up when you fall.  But, growing up.. there are times when you do need to let go.  Letting go is the conscious phrase for quit.  Because when you let go, you are letting go of what doesn’t serve you.  When you quit, you quit a habit, a job, a dream.

So when you feel doubtful, stuck, or unsure of your passions, stay in the feelings a little longer if you must, maybe cry a bit.  And then, let them go.  Because what you want will always come back to you.  Passions are inescapable.  Almost like love.  That feeling lingers forever.  And if it’s something you care for deeply, that made you work harder, smile brighter, and left you to be a better person, then maybe it is the best thing for you.  So move on, and keep it going.


Conscious Beauty: DIY Face Scrub


My dears, I have another beauty post for ya’ll!

My skin care and beauty routine has definitely taken a huge leap over the last few years.  Whether its converting myself from drug store products to expensive brand cleansers and creams, I have tried it all.  The perfect skin is still far from reach, but after all this time, I finally discovered the secret! Or, rather experienced it.  Not only does it reduce puffiness, but it actually makes you feel and look a little more radiant and alive! SLEEP!

Yes, I said it.  I know it’s been something everyone’s been raving about.  But for the first time I had consecutive days of early rises FOLLOWED by early bed times.  Magical.  I found myself not needing to put a load of make up (eye-makeup) to feel and look alive.  What I noticed most were the under eye baggage not being as prominent, which is actually a hereditary struggle for myself.  Try sleep, it’s great.

Any way, I promise this was not the only thing I wanted to share with you.  I just thought since we were on the subject of break-through beauty thangs…. On to the good stuff.

How has these winter months been treating you?  Well, what I really want to know is how your skin is doing? If you are anything like my vata-self (windy, dry, and cold), then you most likely feel like the whole world is ending at times.  Or rather, you might just feel itchy and dry.  Same thing?



As you know, I’ve been experimenting with lot’s of DIY products.  From homemade deodorant, to easy face cleansers, I try to always make it easily adjustable for everyone. This one is no different.  It is pretty simple, and does what’s needed for anyone looking to get rid of dry skin, and help skin feel rejuvenated and soft.

Natural ingredients, each having their own reason to shine and have you shining as well.

  • Sugar – Natural scrub/exfoliator.  Helps rid dead and flaky skin.
  • Coconut oil – Helps moisturize and hydrate dry skin.  Fight acne.  Antibacterial and antioxidant properties to keep skin healthy and protected.
  • Lemon – Balances pH on skin.  Helps brighten and soften skin.  Rids dead skin cells combined with sugar.

This recipe calls for a pretty small portion, but it is perfect since a little goes along way and you don’t need to use it everyday.  I recommend about twice a week at least.  It keeps in the fridge for at least a month, but I recommend smelling and keeping it eye on it after.  Like any natural food like product, use your senses for any spoilage.


DIY Face Scrub


  • 4 tbs sugar
  • 3 tbs coconut oil
  • 1 lemon squeezed

Mix then refrigerate.  Use small portion and make pliable on hand first.  Apply onto skin, moving softly in slow circular motion all over face.  Rinse with luke warm water, then splash with cool water.  Pat dry with small towel.

You may add another nightly moisturizer to seal hydration.