If you came here for the answers, I’m sorry I don’t have them right now. But, if you came for the thoughts and curiosity of another’s perspective, then you and I are both in luck.
Remember when we had those dreams for ourselves? We were going to fall in love, travel the world, become successful in our careers, eat amazing food, and meet people of all sorts. Yea. Then instead of life happening, it seems that life stopped. So much so, you are consumed in all your thoughts, memories. Some so good, you want to go back. Others so horrible, you wonder why they still linger in your mind, or rather just come back up.
Those horrible memories? Experiences? Feelings? They suck. To be honest, they make me feel like we all suck. Which I know is and will never be true, but for that brief moment it’s a thought.
Where did those dreams go? Do we want to go back? To that familiarity? The safe way? The responsible way. I always think about the responsibility for not just myself, but others. Now more than ever. Because no matter what, I have this amazing family, that I do believe can benefit from my presence, and I from theirs. I know now more than ever that being there, that real touch of a loved one is so powerful. Those amazing friends you know can make you laugh just sitting on the couch in your sweats… These are the things that make me believe.
Then what about those you must leave behind? People, experiences, progression. What if I did just leave to follow “my dreams?”
As of late, I feel like I’m hiding more than ever. I didn’t even know it. On those nights you stay awake for hours staring at the wall. I would never say it, but it comforts me to pretend like someone is there with me.
My mask. My face. I put it on as long as I’m determined I’m going to have an amazing day. I will look like I got amazing sleep, glowing like I live for the Florida sun. Can we talk about how I think I know how to contour? Maybe if my face looks skinny, people won’t notice those few extra pounds… Then to pull it all together with an OOTD.
If you know me, the question is how did this happen?
I was asked what inspires me. Right now, I really don’t know. People and possibilities used to be my answer. Then bullshit comes right up and I just remember to close myself all over again. Because who really gives a fuck about another girl who once dreamt about changing the world? Who only wanted to give a chance to every deserving human being. Well, thankfully, I still give many fucks about the inspiring lovers, dreamers I work with and talk to everyday. The ones who do it with soul. Not for nothing, they make me not lose hope in myself. To also not lose hope in others.
“Walk like you have three men behind you.”
My favorite feminist line. More than ever so. Learning to do my face and figure out some amazing outfit that empowers. Why the hell not? But, there is more to it. We really don’t care about those three men. Just you.
Words from the dreamer within begging to come out again, the hopeless romantic who hasn’t lost all hope yet, and moon child who still looks up at the dark sky and believes all over again.
“Told you I would always give you me, the real me.”