Your Life, Your Prerogative, Your Dream.

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Nobody has the right to tell you who and what you are.  Nobody can tell what you should be doing.

This is a post dedicated to the people who just don’t fucking know.  And, I just want to tell you that it’s going to be ok.  How do I know?  I don’t.  But, I do know that everything happens for a reason, and you are right where you are meant to be.

Background.  I come from an amazing family.  From an immigrant parent to another raised in the beautiful projects of the state.  My parents worked hard and harder to create a life with just high school degrees and desire.  They started a family and were able to move us upward into the educational social chain.  My parents worked it out to be around in the miss of crazy schedules, from working nights to having 12 hour days in the beginning.  Later on, it went to working days and scaling back the work life to be home a little more.  My parents were pretty smart, the rebellious years of middle school and high school they did not want to miss from my brother and I 😉

Then. there comes a time when it’s not the morals of family and life that you want to instill in your child, but what society tells you what should go about.

Lucky and not so lucky for me, I went to a high school where people dressed nice, didn’t fight too much, were very smart, and mostly in the end went to college.  That was the protocol.  That’s what most want for our families.  But, what do you do when you notice maybe that wasn’t who you were.

I had to go to college.  Fortunately, I didn’t care to go to a prestigious school and did pretty well, so I saved a lot furthering my education.  Great, because to this day, my college education isn’t doing shit for me.  And, I am totally ok with that.  I purposefully chose that.

I went from being a girl who wanted expensive Uggs and sneakers, a skinny body, straight hair, wanting to go to school, get a job in an office to make money, and start a family, to not giving a shit about it all.

I wear my hair in a curly mess, I don’t own sneakers, but buy that good good lipstick, my body does what it wants, and to be honest, I want to make enough money for myself to eat, sleep, and travel.

For everyone who told me to get an office job and make easy money using my college degree….  There is no such thing as easy money when your heart isn’t into the work.  I’m a pretty fast pace, short legged girl.  I worked three jobs at once, and tried to keep somewhat of a social life.  I wouldn’t change how I lived my life and how I’m living my life now for anything.  I decided to give up on everyone else’s dream for myself getting a 9-5 job and living comfortably, to live my own dream.  Honestly, I don’t remember what comfortable is, and I took my life across country to figure it out.

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Every day until it works out, I don’t know.  Ask me what my schedule is in two weeks, I don’t know.  Where will I be in two months, I don’t know.  Will I be alive in 2 months? Well unless a freak accident, it’s a Fuck Yea.

I noticed this isn’t a life for everyone, but what they don’t understand is that it is our life that we are okay with for now. I did not become so adamant to be independent because of my age or because at 26 I should have it together.  I wanted to do it because I feel it now.  I feel the need to be on my own, maybe eat cereal for dinner or an elaborate sushi feast with wine.  Only because I want to.

I do believe that my parents tried their best so that their children could do even better things.  Well, I chose green juices over a savings, will live in a small studio over a house any day, and would rather buy 3 cheap H&M bags then a Michael Kohrs, because I like variety.

Slowly, but surely I will have no attachments to anyone soon enough.  I may not be living the high life, but it’s my life.  And everyday I love what I do and hopefully what I will be doing.  I’m learning to just fucking do it, with no plan, friends or not, money coming and going.  It’s funny this thing called money, has so many meanings to do different people.  So many uses.

But, it will never be the money, it’s not about your education, and it’s not about where you grew up.  It’s about you.  What do you want?  How are you okay to live?  What are you willing to sacrifice ? It maybe nothing at all.  Good for you.

If you chose the “unconventional” path, know that it may get fucking hard.  Crying, anger, and points of wanting to give up will happen.  But, I guarantee you will find something greater.  You will find what you want, what you enjoy doing, and who you enjoy being with.  You will explore places on your own terms, and more of those hidden treasures that only you can find beauty in.  That wealth is incomparable and will only grow.

This is now, not forever.  It’s your life, your prerogative, your dream, and that’s something I hope no one can take away from you.

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yesenia

“…hanging out my dirty linen
You’re entitled to your own opinion
Sit and shake your head at my decision,”

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