An Ode To The Love Of My Life

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How to begin is always the hardest.  Not because we can’t remember, but because we want to tell a tale that does the experience justice.  This is my story of how I fell in love.  Tears.  Surrender.  Vulnerability.  Empowerment.  Gratitude.  All that you help me see for myself.  This is my love letter.

This one is for you.

Always trying to keep loyal, I have struggled to find the one that was for me.  The rest were fun in the beginning, they taught me dedication and hard work too.  Yet, through them, all I was never really happy.  I began to sink into “what I should do” and “what people do.”   I know we once had a brief encounter in the past, yet I was young, cynical, and not yet able to grasp what was so readily available to me.  Something so great, but I failed to see it through.

Fast forward a few years later, and we met again.  A set up date, if you will.  Every week we meet, just like therapy, I knew I could be myself.  What started out to be an innocent hang out, turned out to be an evolving love affair.  I don’t really know how, but I felt calm.  I looked forward to our dates, not because it was becoming easier or comfortable, but because you started to challenge me.  I began to see the possibilities   I began to see beauty.  All the others took a back seat, I let them go.  All at once, I said my good byes and never looked back.  I took a chance on you and to this day, unlike the rest, you haven’t let me down.

We took our relationship a little further.  I invested my time, money, and soon to be my life, in you.  What started out as puppy love, grew to be something so passionate, it’s almost unreal to put into words.  You were teaching me to believe in myself, to see beauty in all my imperfections, and to see the imperfections of my surroundings as beautiful.  It was not something you told me, as many people may hear this and learn this, but you taught me how to feel it, with just myself.

What was there was intense.  You made me sweat, breath so deeply, and strip down all my cover-ups.  You were the first to see the real me.  You let me stand there naked, vulnerable, and open.  Although I never felt as if I had to look for acceptance, there were times when I thought why was I doing this.  Sometimes I thought I wasn’t good enough.  That I was too slow and too weak to ever become like the others before us.  Through every doubt, negative thought, and struggle, you showed me the confidence in every movement I made.  Too see it as beautiful and purposeful.  This wasn’t just  a steamy love affair, but a love that was going to last forever.

Like most, we took breaks.  I sometimes thought how it wasn’t worth it.  I was scared of losing so much, for something I fell for way too fast, and way too hard.  Yet, those breaks always led me back to you.  I wasn’t myself without being able to act out on this love.   Then again, I thank you for showing how I can still feel you with me, even when we couldn’t be together.  In the end, we are always together.  When I breath and just concentrate on myself, looking inward, and acknowledging every part of my body, that is you.  I close my eyes and work hard to let go of everything, even for just 5 minutes, because I want to feel you, I want to feel me.

You are my yoga.  You are my practice.  You are my love.  I will forever be grateful with everything you have taught me.  You showed me beauty in myself and others all around.  You taught me how dedication and practice will always lead you somewhere, it won’t leave you behind.  You let me feel amazing, cleansing me from the inside out.  I am learning to be the woman I was meant to be with you by my side.  Taking care of myself and my needs.  No Body else there.

Maybe one day I will let in another, but it is always comforting to know that my yoga,  my practice, my breath, will always be there for me.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  I am me.  I am yoga.

 

With love and gratitude, namaste.

 

yesenia

 

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