I was trying to wait it out until the month was over… I wanted an August recap! No worries, I still plan on it. But, something called to me a little sooner.
It may be the full moon. I feel the need to share, speak, and be a bit more open. I am not one for going out much (even though I wish I would) and this is my way for letting the wild woman out. Ya’ll didn’t know about the wild woman?!
Well, she is my aspiration, inspiration, and motivation. She reminds me of the soul that lies with in me. She’s quiet, fiery, gentle, loving, with a bit of attitude and craziness. I mean, who doesn’t want most of those qualities of aliveness to them?
And yet, I’ve been hearing a lot of “Why?” “Why did I go crazy?” “Why do I care?” “Why am I crying about this?” “When did this happen to me?” Well, my dears, it happened when you got in touch with your feminine soul. Why you bugging?! When did it become such a horrible thing to care about someone? You opened your heart, tried something new, and shockingly(?) it didn’t fucking work out! And yet, we still let another in. We are brave and strong. Own. It.
I always like to give it to the adventurous women and men. The ones who have tried, loved, opened their heart, and most importantly aren’t ashamed of it. Ashamed that someone may have taken advantage of us. That we loved and cared so much, for someone who may not have felt the same. Or, maybe did. Why did that become frowned upon?
I noticed in our culture today there are so many rules. Even I have fallen into that trap. We can’t show emotion too soon, we might scare the one we want away. We can’t ask for too much, such as phone calls and time. Ladies and men, take note, time plays a big role, but honesty is everything. Even though, some may say you never know when someone is being honest, unless they are the few you know to trust. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Follow your gut. Listen to your feelings and not your head. That uneasiness you feel when someone says something, let them fucking know! Why can’t you be honest too? For yourself at least.
Vulnerability gives you power. How most woman and some men can open their beautiful hearts over and over and over again, you are beautiful. You left it open for another. People will bungee jump off cliffs, travel an unknown world alone, and move across country away from everyone they loved, but can’t be risk falling in love, and giving ourselves to another. I find it disturbing, but I understand.
We want to make something of ourselves. We must be stable, have jobs, money, and experience as much as we can, before we step into tradition. We meet someone. Care for them. Love them. And some how, an instinct gets the best of us. We want children and a family. To do what nature intended for most, we breed and raise, to empower another generation. But, we can’t do all that without “finding ourselves” first.
I am woman. I feel. I cry, a lot. I laugh and snort. I yell when I’m happy. I yell when I’m mad. I wear makeup. I wear tight clothes and feel sexy. I wear A-line dresses and feel pretty. I listen to vulgar rap on my way to yoga. I drink a lot of wine. I walk like there are three men walking behind me, but I only wish the one man I cared most for looked at me. I want to feel loved. I want to feel beautiful. I want to be amazing. And, I want to be with someone who thinks I’m amazing. I want to have amazing sex with that person who wants to be with me, and my emotionally crazy soul. Is that horrible?Casual sex is a thing. It’s common. It’s mostly praised. Yay to the fucking women who are ok with their sexuality. We can almost keep up with all the testosterone in a man. How amazing is it? I wish you can tell me, because I never felt it. Hit it and quit it. Wam bam, thank you mam.
Sex, no matter what, is sacred. Your soul deserves that. Your soul deserves to find another soul to connect with. To share something so intimate. Love. Power. Beauty. These are real things and feelings. You are beautiful when you feel beautiful. Do you feel beautiful when you got attitude? Or, do you feel beautiful smiling and looking into they eye’s of another? You are worth it. You are entitled to it. Our body’s were made to create. You can create and send out the most beautiful messages to the world. Someone is going to appreciate you, and more people than you think already do. For we are warriors. We are caretakers. We are givers. We are goddesses of the moon. Blame this on the wine and chocolate. Maybe on the fact I have never held hands with a man, other than my father, for more that five minutes. That I don’t even remember what it’s like to cuddle (apparently this is important). I’m still young and learning. I want to share. Maybe spark something within another. Controversy? I’m usually not one for such things, but I must say as of late, I’ll say what I like and I will from the heart.